Sometimes we blame our predicaments on external forces, rarely admitting our mistakes or role in it. When life offers lemons, the tendency is to blame the tree, not yourself for picking it. Well, here is what I am driving at. Many times, some women will entice men into relationships and even marriages. And when they don’t get their desired effect or when their assumptions backfire, they blame the man.
I observed three women out drinking one of the days out. They seemed to be a girls’ night out until I noted they were there to spot potential suitors. One approached a man who had no female companion, but drunk with friends. She targeted him by asking for drinks. Before long, the trio was calling him ‘our husband’, in gratitude for the drinks. The ending was disastrous because he told them off about his disinterest in anything beyond what one of them suggested.
This scenario is not peculiar to these three. Times have changed to the extent that women are asking men out. Some will even move into his house before any formalities; kukadzugulira malo. Unfortunately, such tendencies are driven by material, with these women looking for security. It starts with a visit over the weekend, then leaving an item or two at his house and before long, the entire wardrobe follows. Some will pretend to clean and play wife just to get their way.
It takes two to tango and well, some men eventually give in and will marry or simply co-habit. And because their values or visions differ, cracks begin to show sooner or later. She starts complaining about his lack of interest in helping around the home, especially after a child or two. He suddenly doesn’t want to participate in family gatherings, disconnects himself from household bills and shuts dowm. The money will be there, but the emotional, physical and spiritual disconnect eat away at the woman.
Perhaps what many of us fail to understand is that love should never be coerced. A man may give in to our sexual advances and enjoy it for a while there after. But true love commits even when the physical attraction dies. The way love is born contributes to its lasting or failing. Its motive, too, plays a significant role in its sustenance.
Women can ask men out if they wish. I am not condemning it. But if you really must express yourself verbally or physically to get him, ensure it is for the right reason; love. If is for anything other than this, trust me, you pay with misery and you have nobody to blame, but your greed. It is not unexpected to build empires together. Don’t always look for already established men. Give love a chance even in the supposed strugglers. They will not always be that way.
